Wilted Words

the skies are far away, so why do I feel up close? these seas, so immense and endless, no matter how deep I dive in, I still feel like I've barely scratched the surface.  I don't quite understand my need, To reach for the stars, To fit them in my palms, To feel their particles huddled against my skin, To let their light rarefy into me. My heart beats a different rhythm now, I found myself in a foreign place, where a small decaying house stood alone, Surrounded by Eden gardens, and mesmerizing heavens it looked out of place, I took a glance through a broken window, Into a pitch black room. I still want to discover this empty gloom. Filled with darkness at every corner, with secret in every crevice, Flooded with pain, Carpeted with hurt, And painted with fear. I shouldn't come near, I should read the signs. Or listen to the howling winds , But I have stardust in my hands, Faith is embeded in my s...

They say if you wanted something hard enough that the whole universe would collaborate to make it happen. but what if you wanted someone so bad, that you sleep with their faces on your mind, and wake up with their names on the tip of your tongue? what if you wanted someone so bad that whatever happened with you, they'd be the first ones to know about it? what if you wanted someone that the thought of seeing them unhappy hurts more than stabbing daggers in your chest? none of it matters. none of all that matters. because the sun comes up every morning, the sky rains at winter, sea water is salty and you can't make someone you desperately want love you. you could try being careful with your heart, and you could lie to yourself all kind of white lies, black lies or all colored lies, but you'd still have the goofy smile on your face whenever they cross your mind. you'd still get light-headed sweet vanilla-like happiness at the thought of being with them. you...

I loved once, and once more, I was brave enough to try, Because there isn't any place where I can hide. He said forever, in each and every day. I'll be here, I'll watch over you, Your demons I'll slay I said I won't ask you to stay forever is just a fault promise That's something I didn't dare to say He said I'll climb up mountains, steep hills, I'll grab the stars I'll smother away your edges, heal your scars, I sighed and mocked him, would you reach for mars ? He laughed and held me, in silence, We watched the passing cars. He said I'll get you coffee every morning, Flowers and chocolates every evening, Till when? I asked, One day it'll lose all meaning, He promised, until out hearts stop beating He shock his head, suppressed a sigh, He asked me to look up at the sky I love you for every flying bird For every passing whisper I ever heard I didn't know how to respond. But to me that never accord That this...

I find myself thinking a lot lately. I'm absent-minded almost all the time, which isn't a very good sign. I think about nothing in particular, and everything in general. everything seems remote these days. like I'm over-viewing my life from a vantage point. like I'm watching everything from a safe distance. and the worst thing about this nothingness is that I don't even know how it consumed me, how I became so numb and lifeless. how can I feel full with the void stretching within ? how can I feel whole again with the black hole inside me, swallowing whatever feelings left in me? I'm  nothing but doubt, confusion and curiosity. I'm floating without a destination in the stormy sea. the Surging waves are throwing me in all directions, the fierce tides are keeping me away from the shore, and I'm all over the place, I'm lost without guidance. I'm full with love that no one wants, it stagnated in my heart, it turned into murky hat...

It's 3 am in the morning. and I'm tangled in my cold sheets, wide awake, staring at the empty wall before me. I can't sleep. and it's not because I had caffeine or that I slept during the day, no. it's because of you. it's your shy smile, the glint in your eyes, and the 3 syllables you told me, syllables I didn't know before. it's magical how 3 simple words could change you as a whole, how it can draw a smile in your face each now and then during the day just by thinking about them , how it can make your heart expand, fill it with sunshine and rainbows and feelings you can't comprehend that it no longer fits in your chest. it's like having the universe inside you, you wouldn't know emptiness. and love, I think, is like sky diving. you could be terrified before you jump because you're taking huge risks, but you still want to do it, and try what it feels like. and then when you take the leap, you feel the world in your hands, as...

to me, I loved myself once, before society told me it was wrong to love myself if I didn't fit the mold they made, and lived up to their criteria. I loved myself once. because back then, my worth was beyond my weight, much more than my grades, and I was much more than my bitten finger beds and more than the bags under my eyes. I remember how proud I was, how happy and comfortable I was in my own skin, but now those bones are too stiff, I can't get them to move without aching me, I became a prisoner in my own corpse. I'm a guilty criminal, my deadly crimes were wrong first impressions. and as it seems, those felonies are never forgiven, never forgotten. no matter how charity and community service I'd do, they're just not enough, to make them overlook my faults. I loved myself once, before I started over-thinking every move I make, and every word I say, and every friendly approach I offer. I loved my spontaneous actions, I loved having the green card...

I want everyone to leave me alone, I am afraid I would seep glimpse of my darkness into them, I am afraid that my murky soul will ooze out, creating a mess that I won't be able to contain, stay away, it is no one's job to fix what's already deformed in me. it isn't anyone's fault, that my heart was fractured repeatedly into million fragments, that it's no longer capable of anything but pumping blood into my veins. yet I tried, I tried so hard to put it back together, but I couldn't, a lot of the pieces were missing, gone. I will push anyone who comes near me, I will build my walls high, hide in a tour of concrete solitude and nothingness. I will keep it out of sight within a maze of poisoned accusations and doubts and guarded by a dragon, innervated by the lies I fed. Run away and save yourself, because I have lots of fears, but what scares me the most is that my inchoate defective heart is never going to be enough for anyone. I am living in ...

You’re wonderful, full of life, like the sky at dusk.  And I’m so dark and scattered, like the sky at night. You’re whole, forever shining, like the sun, full of warmth and honest promises.  And I’m shattered into millions of cold lost stars. I’ll always be here, waiting for a miracle, I’ll wait for the day our orbits collide. our own big bang Creating a new world.  A whole universe, just for the two of us. I’ll leave all my insecurities out of our atmosphere. And I’ll burn all your doubts before they shoot in. A universe where pain don’t exist, neither mortality. We’ll live for millions of years. Just me and you. I know it seems impossible, especially with hundreds of light years stretching between us. But I promise, I’ll always keep your rays with me, I’ll keep them locked within me, until our Nebula starts existing. 

a rose and a thron. two things that never grow apart. the rose so beautiful,and so delicate. and the Thron so sharp, and so harmful. you can't have one without getting the other, just like a person. we look at people, and wee see features, we see professions, we see back stories. we see first wrong impressions, we see what we want. we don't see beyond our noses, or beyond the stories we hear. we don't listen to more than a few words before we think it's enough to judge a person. People are magnificent creatures. God crated us perfect, nevertheless we can't actually see it-or we don't want to see it- we don't want to see more than our imperfections. we are able to swim although we don't have gills, that we can fly, although we don't have wings. and that we can imagine, build futures and stories and weave art and make magic. and dream. we're capable of lots of things.  human power is unlimited. that nothing could stop...

Somehow you will always be here, As if you have never left. the pain is still here, alongside with your memory.  the sense of your presence is not enough, it's always here, but it's never enough... I can kneel at your grave for hours and cry, but it's nothing compared to the strength you gave me whenever I cried in front of you. I can stare at your pictures for hours, but I will never see your eyes staring back at me, unraveling me, turning me inside out.   it's worthless, it's not the same. I can't hold you any more, I can't feel your warmth creep into me, I can't feel your presence shining like the only star that ever was.  I'm deprived of all those things now, and sometimes it feels like it's more than I can tolerate.  I run away to my dreams, that is the only place where I can enjoy our stolen moments...where I can touch your hands and they feel so real... I can see you smiling warmly at me, telling me everything will be alr...

Dear Love, although I don't know if I should call you love anymore, Sorry, I'm sorry. you hated it when I apologized without a reason, but I guess that's the only thing I can do, the only thing I'm excellent at, being sorry. this time I'm apologizing for the right reasons, I'm sorry I ever loved you. do you remember that time when we talked how people always hurt each other despite their feelings? you said that everything is justified if it was done for the right reasons. It's all about intentions.  that's what you said. No matter how wrong the deed was, it's okay if it was for the right reasons. I wish I knew what were your intentions when you hurt me. What good was behind treating me like I was the only star in your ever dark sky, and then leaving? maybe I'm an idiot because I can't see beyond the pain and the emptiness, maybe I'm a fool because I still want to believe that you never meant to hurt me even when you did. m...

I don't believe in miracles or myths, but I'm desperate for one now. I'm not sure how you're suppose to work, but I'm taking my chances. For all I know that you help people to get rid of nightmares. Even if you're just a fable, try to make an exception for me. I want you to hinder my nightmares, to defeat my demons, don't allow them to hunt my dreams, and chase me in the long nights. Don't let them visit me in the only hours of peace. I want you to help me sleep soundly, to help my mind rest and drift to oblivion. I'm tired of waking up with black bags under my eyes, I'm tired of waking up feeling more weary than I did before going to bed. I don't want to see my fears anymore, I want you to bury them somewhere deep in my mind so they will never seep into my dreams anymore. I want you to lock them up in a a wooden broken chest and throw the key somewhere I won't remember. I want you to drown them in poison, suffocate them before th...

Along with many things, I don't know how start anything, I am not good at beginnings. Starting a simple conversation with a stranger, for an Example. relationships too. that applies also to feelings. somehow I find myself trapped like a fly in a spider's net. I don't know any scientific explanation for these things either, feelings, how they work, how they start, and why. For all I know is that a smile from my next door neighbor leaded us into a solid sisterhood where we ended up exchanging our deepest secrets with complete transparency. That One day I talked to a stranger who suddenly occupied a space of me I never anticipated to give. That somehow, I became less trusting, more cautious, and extremely protective of my heart. Feelings, I think, work in a mysterious way. We think we have control over them, but we don't. Love, hatred, regret, happiness, depression, self-loathing and confidence. All those things, at some level are what form us, what makes us make dec...