The beginning and the End.
Along with many things, I don't know how start anything, I am not good at beginnings.
Starting a simple conversation with a stranger, for an Example. relationships too. that applies also to feelings.
somehow I find myself trapped like a fly in a spider's net.
I don't know any scientific explanation for these things either, feelings, how they work, how they start, and why. For all I know is that a smile from my next door neighbor leaded us into a solid sisterhood where we ended up exchanging our deepest secrets with complete transparency. That One day I talked to a stranger who suddenly occupied a space of me I never anticipated to give. That somehow, I became less trusting, more cautious, and extremely protective of my heart.
Feelings, I think, work in a mysterious way. We think we have control over them, but we don't. Love, hatred, regret, happiness, depression, self-loathing and confidence. All those things, at some level are what form us, what makes us make decisions. whether we like it or not, whether you're willing to accept it or not, our feelings control us.
Greed is what makes a man rob another from all what he owns. Hatred and jealousy are enough motives for people to strip from their humanity and watch others suffer. Love and compassion are the things that permits us to forgive others over and over again.
Some of these feelings are often mistaken for other feelings. Affection for love, self-underestimating for modesty. Self-sacrifice for altruism. But it's all wrong, all these misunderstood concepts could lead us into bleak dark place, because we think we've reached what we wanted, that we're doing the right thing, that we're finally are getting what we want and achieving what we're working hard to get, but this isn't even close to the truth. And that's why most people don't feel happy when they achieve their so-called goals.
happiness itself is a goal. We're willing to do anything to be happy, lie, cheat, the end justifies the means. . We all want to be happy, no matter how form we want it to be, whether it's success in any field or possessing things, ultimately we do all that stuff to feel happy and relieved..
I wounder if feelings are reversible or avoidable. Or if they live inside us, grow as they feed on our hearts, minds and souls, and conquer us, forcing us to feel them, live with them, like a parasite inhabiting our bodies, taking over everything and destroying us slowly and patiently. Can we acknowledge being wrong without regret or sorrow ? can we live without self-consciousnesses and doubt and fear ? how would that be... not to feel... I know I wished if I could strip myself out of those emotions, I'm sure we all did.
but at the end of the day, we're a pile of emotions, every atom of our being contests of feelings. emotions are our building minerals. No matter how hard we try to run away from them, and running away from them, as long as those feelings are stacked in the bottom our souls we think we're safe from them, but we're not.
without them, we're not humane. no matter how hard it is to feel, to carry all these heavy burdens, like invisible mountains on our shoulders, like anvils chaining our hearts down. without them , there wouldn't any meaning for this life.
the hope that blossom in our chests, the hours of sadness and tears, the tremendous fear that possess us at times. and those little short moments of happiness that could make you believe that this world is heaven, and that nothing is going to ever matter to you but those moments.
those moments, are the moments I'm hoping and longing for. Those are the moments I'm craving for, because they what give are life meaning. those little things, are the things I live to achieve.
Starting a simple conversation with a stranger, for an Example. relationships too. that applies also to feelings.
somehow I find myself trapped like a fly in a spider's net.
I don't know any scientific explanation for these things either, feelings, how they work, how they start, and why. For all I know is that a smile from my next door neighbor leaded us into a solid sisterhood where we ended up exchanging our deepest secrets with complete transparency. That One day I talked to a stranger who suddenly occupied a space of me I never anticipated to give. That somehow, I became less trusting, more cautious, and extremely protective of my heart.
Feelings, I think, work in a mysterious way. We think we have control over them, but we don't. Love, hatred, regret, happiness, depression, self-loathing and confidence. All those things, at some level are what form us, what makes us make decisions. whether we like it or not, whether you're willing to accept it or not, our feelings control us.
Greed is what makes a man rob another from all what he owns. Hatred and jealousy are enough motives for people to strip from their humanity and watch others suffer. Love and compassion are the things that permits us to forgive others over and over again.
Some of these feelings are often mistaken for other feelings. Affection for love, self-underestimating for modesty. Self-sacrifice for altruism. But it's all wrong, all these misunderstood concepts could lead us into bleak dark place, because we think we've reached what we wanted, that we're doing the right thing, that we're finally are getting what we want and achieving what we're working hard to get, but this isn't even close to the truth. And that's why most people don't feel happy when they achieve their so-called goals.
happiness itself is a goal. We're willing to do anything to be happy, lie, cheat, the end justifies the means. . We all want to be happy, no matter how form we want it to be, whether it's success in any field or possessing things, ultimately we do all that stuff to feel happy and relieved..
I wounder if feelings are reversible or avoidable. Or if they live inside us, grow as they feed on our hearts, minds and souls, and conquer us, forcing us to feel them, live with them, like a parasite inhabiting our bodies, taking over everything and destroying us slowly and patiently. Can we acknowledge being wrong without regret or sorrow ? can we live without self-consciousnesses and doubt and fear ? how would that be... not to feel... I know I wished if I could strip myself out of those emotions, I'm sure we all did.
but at the end of the day, we're a pile of emotions, every atom of our being contests of feelings. emotions are our building minerals. No matter how hard we try to run away from them, and running away from them, as long as those feelings are stacked in the bottom our souls we think we're safe from them, but we're not.
without them, we're not humane. no matter how hard it is to feel, to carry all these heavy burdens, like invisible mountains on our shoulders, like anvils chaining our hearts down. without them , there wouldn't any meaning for this life.
the hope that blossom in our chests, the hours of sadness and tears, the tremendous fear that possess us at times. and those little short moments of happiness that could make you believe that this world is heaven, and that nothing is going to ever matter to you but those moments.
those moments, are the moments I'm hoping and longing for. Those are the moments I'm craving for, because they what give are life meaning. those little things, are the things I live to achieve.
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