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They say if you wanted something hard enough that the whole universe would collaborate to make it happen.
but what if you wanted someone so bad, that you sleep with their faces on your mind, and wake up with their names on the tip of your tongue?
what if you wanted someone so bad that whatever happened with you, they'd be the first ones to know about it?
what if you wanted someone that the thought of seeing them unhappy hurts more than stabbing daggers in your chest?

none of it matters.
none of all that matters.

because the sun comes up every morning, the sky rains at winter, sea water is salty and you can't make someone you desperately want love you.

you could try being careful with your heart, and you could lie to yourself all kind of white lies, black lies or all colored lies,
but you'd still have the goofy smile on your face whenever they cross your mind.
you'd still get light-headed sweet vanilla-like happiness at the thought of being with them.
you'd still wish that you could steal all the happiness in the world and plant it int their hearts.
you'd still deny how scared you are of losing them,
 from admitting that they've got your whole heart and that they don't want it.

but the thing is that your heart was already ripped out, and the worst part is that you don't want it back. you don't know if you could fit it in your chest again.

you know that you could break all their bones, but you can't reach their hearts.

and there is no one you can blame for this mess, nothing you could do to pick up your torn out shreds.

there is nothing you can do except than faking a worn out smile, and pretending like it doesn't matter,
to bury all the humiliation of rejection in the black hole of your mind,
to stop asking why not me?
and to move on.  
but, God, it hurts, it does.

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