Wane.

Just like the moon, we all go through phases.
There is the dark side that no one gets to see.
but you're always the dark side, you're always a new moon.
alone and wandering.
At some point you'll be forced to accept your loneliness.
Like a fault in your character that you tried to change many times and failed.
like an illness you were diagnosed with, you have to learn how to live with it,
to embrace it as a concrete unchanging reality, you have to accept it.
to even like it.
you have to learn how to enjoy your own company.
to be okay with going out on your own, having lunch on your own.
walking alone and spending the majority of your time alone.
you have to get used to going to bed without anyone's voice to lull you into the safety of sleeping.
you have to get used to waking up to an empty inbox, no sweet good morning texts.
you have to accept it as a part of your being,
otherwise it will drive you insane.

Because Loneliness is a loyal companion, it never leaves.
something will always be missing, something is always off.
and deep down you'll always have your answers.

after all that's the life you chose for yourself.
always waiting for the right time, always waiting for when you're ready.
those weak lies that you tell yourself whenever your loneliness wears you down, whenever it anchors your heart and heaves you with uncertainty.
But you're a coward.
whenever a chance comes your way, you block it.
Maybe you're just not good at being a partner,
You find it hard to share pieces of yourself, you don't know how to do it,
how to allow someone to become your vulnerability.
you still fight the ache of longing to reach another human,
but you can't let it happen again.
You anticipate the pain of getting hurt, the pain of loss, the pain of getting betrayed and left behind and lied to.
So you choose loneliness over and over again.
and you let it take over you.