Through the glass.

I think of her curled up against your chest, and I feel fire catching in my chest.
I feel a sharpnel of ache in my bloodstream.
my heart turns rigid, like it can't even pump blood correctly, freezing and burning all at once.
does she fit between your ribs the way I did?
does her heart beat the same rhythm as mine?

I am detached from my situation.
it doesn't feel real.
maybe I'm still in denial, my mind won't accept the fact that there is someone else.
it's killing me slowly, viciously and brutally, to know that as you lie in my arms, your head resting on my chest, that your mind wanders somewhere else, your heart yearning for someone else.

sometimes I put up all my courage, and decide to confront you,
but I don't want to lose you.
sometimes I pack my cloths, and decide to leave without an explanation.
but I'm too scared of losing you.

your sweet letters, your sweeter words, all those memories are poignant reminders of how things are between me and you.
I hold on to them tightly.
because you are the best thing that ever happened to me.
every time they start to slip away, to fade out, to blur, I recite all what you said.
I reread your letters.

I feel like I don't know you, you're distant and isolated.
continuously building walls between us, and tearing walls between you and her.
you hear me but you're not listening.
you talk to me but it's not the same anymore.
like a photo of sunset and sunrise, the way you can't tell if the sun is coming up, or drowning in.

I don't know what's preventing you from leaving me.
is it because you're doing me a favor by staying? you're not.
The say whenever you think of leaving someone you love, think of all the reasons why you should stay.
but what if the reasons you have for leaving were more convincing reasons,
reasons that you can't brush off?
then what do you do?