Sinking ship.

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I have always wondered how two people can be married and hate each other.
up until lately I have always thought that people in relationships have their feelings sorted out.
Especially those who decide to get married and become one.
but then, who doesn't hate themselves a little bit? let alone another person who's going to know all about them?
They'll know all abnout your failures and underachieved goals. How you always say you will quit smoking tomorrow but that never happens, how you seem cruel and heartless sometimes while other times you can't keep your shit together and you fall apart.
maybe, after you marry someone, they start seeing those things that you hate about yourself, and if you didn't choose your life partner correctly, they'll hate you for it too.

it doesn't happen overnight, and it doesn't always happen over arguments.
all what it takes is a flicker to start the fire.
it's unspoken words and resentment buried deep somewhere.
it's small selfish acts, and promises never made through that makes you sound like a liar at that moment.
sometimes it's things that you say, sometimes it's things that you keep to yourself,
sometimes it's things that you do, other times it's things you don't find the courage to do.

and sometimes people who love each other blame themselves for it, they think it's their fault that they feel this way, because how can you hate someone you love?
what they don't know is that it's okay to hate someone you love, it's okay to feel hurt when they hurt you, it comes down to how you deal with it.

the sooner you come to this realization the easier it is to fix things.
the moment you get these snapping twigs of this unidentified feeling in your chest, you go figure it out. and find a solution.
before it's too late, before you wake up one day hating that person who once filled your heart with love and your life with joy.
before this ship sinks, because when it does it will take you down with it, and there is no way getting to the surface.

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