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For a starter, nothing works out the way you plan it.
I knew that.
One could put the most legit plans in the world, the most calculated steps, the most reasonable rational decisions, they could put a hundred backup plans and tactics.
but none of it would work. 
I knew it, but it didn't stop me.

I also know that feelings are feelings, they can't be planned or scenario-ed.
and I knew that it was a possibility; that he'd never think of me the way I think of him. 

but I didn't plan this.
I could deny my heart all I want, I could overlook those new scratches and act like they're not there, but I was just lying to myself. 

one more scar wouldn't matter, I said.
I had a collection of them now, all shapes and sizes and colors.
one more bruise will only add colors to this this blank lifeless heart in my chest.  

I mourn the loss of what I could have had.
of the happiness that turned out to be an illusion.  
'hide your heart away from the world and they won't have the ability to smudge it with hurt.' 
maybe I should have known better. 
but how can I be brave enough, and take my chances with my heart on the line ?
how can I back down after hiding in the shadows for so long ?

take the leap,
you don't have to hide away.
you don't have to pretend, because I know your heart better than the my own palms.
I know that you're scared and scarred, terrified and petrified, 
but you don't have to hide away from me.

maybe I'm lying to myself, maybe I'd rather believe that you're afraid of being with anyone than accepting the fact that you would never want me.

how can I be mad at you when I fully understand your pain and know where it's coming  from?

Comments

  1. علاء الخطيبJanuary 9, 2015 at 3:32 AM

    This is beautiful, heartfelt and sincere! You have a nice momentum going here! Don't stop writing, let your creativity flourish and prosper! Keep us updated with your new posts :)
    I must notify you that I found some spelling/grammar mistakes as I read through, I know you know better, and I know that such mistakes arise when one gets distracted while writing, it's worth that you take another look at it :)

    TheBigElectron

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wilted wordsJanuary 10, 2015 at 3:43 AM

    Thanks for the feedback.
    And yeah that tends to happen, I get distracted, usually I don't check what I write after I'm done, I'll be more careful next time.

    ReplyDelete

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