The Chase.

-
First, I need to get out of here,
I am already at the door,
just when I'm seconds away from dashing out,
making my great escape,
a low whimper,
a soft whisper,
forced me to turn back,
please forgive me,
I have only a moment to reflect on the pain before it engulfs me,
The accompanying humiliation will not allow me much more than that,
I am so stunned, that for a minute I can't even move,
I've been holding my breathe,
I'm pressing my fist to my mouth,
to stifle a scream,
I press my habds on my ears,
and I squeeze my eyes shut,
maybe if I can't hear the voices anymore,
maybe if I can't see those shadows,
it will all go away,
but truth is,
I'm nothing but a coward,
I can't run away,
and sometimes I wonder why I insist on keeping myself alive.

I take another steady breathe,
it doesn't calm me down,
you'll be alright, I promise,
a sweet voice,
commanding me, not giving me a choice,
how can sour lies not affect the melodious tone they speack with ?
I'm no longer feeling gracious,
suprisingly, I still find myself enjoying the bitterness of it,
knowing the truth, but refusing to ecape them all,

I fall back against the wall,
and crumble to the floor,
they reached me,
I lost my chance,
it's too late now to go throguh with my plans
they're holding a gun, 
pointing it at my heart.

what is happening to me?
how did I get here?




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

mirror

-
My thoughts are not holy, My body isn't a temple It's not a sacred space It's tender flesh and a fragile spine, It's nothing remotely divine, It's belimished skin and visible markings, I know there is solace in metaphors, in similes, in saying things not as they are but as what they're like,  in trying to compare what you can't understand to what you do, Maybe only then it will make sense, Trying to simplify it, pulling threads and tying ends and loosening knots, trying to make it look familiar, But it is almost never accurate, Words are just letters, More times than not they hold little to no significance. Little to no reassurance, little to no validation, Sorry , a half hearted apology Always met with sincere acceptance. 
Read more

The apartment

-
 When I think about my ideal house. I think wide balconies,  I think penthouse,  I think small yet not claustrophobia inducing.  I think roomy but not huge.  I think large but just enough to house two people and a pet, preferably a cat.  I think walls, muted yellow and forest green,  I think walls that you can pin me against and kiss me. I think walls, unlike the ones I keep around my heart, that aren't prone to crumbling at any hint of tenderness. I think walls I can hang up pictures of us. Crappy art I make and posters of your favorite things. I think of walls that have ears but never heard screaming or anger, I think of walls that have never witnessed disappointment.  I think of warm nights and cool breeze and long hugs and affection unaccounted for. 
Read more

The Quest.

-
I know regret when I see it, I spot it easily on your grey blotted aura. It glistens through your bloodshot eyes,  the windows of your soul, one glance is more than enough to recognize it. You have taken it upon yourself to seek redemption, From things you have no control over, but it never hurts to try. The sought after resurrection of what have been long dead will drain you, yet, you carry on, with a broken compass and a useless map, determined to revive what was once alive, reclaim what was once yours, But you can't seem to find it. That missi ng thing. You tell yourself that you've got nothing to lose and maybe Just maybe This time there will be a different outcome. A lie you cradle along with the truth. And when you go back to where you started, You swallow your pride and  disappointment, Like splinters of wood,  But your insides are lined with sandpaper, your spine is made of steel, and none of it longer fazes you.
Read more