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I fell for the wrong version of you.
for a version I made up.
for a version I desperately wanted.

I fell for what could've been would've been should've been.
not for you.

I feel for a non existing version,
and it's my fault, for wanting to recreate you,
to unravel you, to mold you,
and I did that a thousand million times.
until you became someone else.

until the you I loved was a man who called me everyday, and asked about the lamest tiniest details.
until he became the person I spent hours with in my imagination,
I had conversation with you about the universe at 4 a.m. when I couldn't sleep.
I listened to all my favorite songs with you and we sang along.
we raced and danced and did many things together.
you were with me all the time, everywhere.

but you weren't.
and seeing you the other day, how you didn't greet me with open arms, happy eyes and a smile the size of the universe. and then realized it.
that I was aching for you but not you.
that I loved you, yet I didn't,
that I lost you, but I didn't have you to begin with, to lose you.

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