Resemblance.

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The little girl on the swing across from me looks a lot like me.
With her unruly hair and crooked smile,
She notices me watching and her smile only widens.
I remember a time when our resemblance wasn't just physical, I remember a time when I skipped light as a feather instead of walking, constantly humming happy tunes,
I remember a time when I was all smiles and vibrancy of existence. 
When I look back at it I can't tell if it's real or a made up fragment of my memory.
Because all I know is this reality, 

Where my colors are faded, my outline is blurred I am a shadow of burned out flames. I had been the flames once. 
Now my bones are made of steel they're too heavy to carry,  my spine is made of chalk there is always a chance that I'll snap in half, my skin is thin and doing a poor job of containing my insides I am always on the verge of spilling all over the place. The mayhem inside always on display. 

my chest is a black box where you can see the truth bare and naked stripped of perspective, and it's ugly.

My chest is a graveyard where fossils of feelings lay there unearthed, some things are better hidden out of sight where no one can reach them. 

My words clump in my throat and stay there, like germs causing tonsillitis, except there is no medication for shy words or fear of the unknown. 

I liked to play hide and seek as a kid with my friends, I still do, except I play it with my thoughts and feelings, sometimes I hide from them hoping they'll lose me, I wouldn't call them my friends though, My feelings aren't kind to me, my thoughts are mostly cruel. 

I imagine a world where I don't exist and in that world the sun is not brighter and the sky is not clearer. 
The girl walks towards me and I give her candy,
She thanks me and eats it with such contagious joy.
Maybe I am wrong after all, if I didn't exist a stranger girl wouldn't have had this piece of candy today.

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