The moment before collision.

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I know what is going to happen,
It plays in my head
Like a movie clip stuck on repeat, 

I tell myself that I know what's going to happen before it does,

With the smugness and pretentiousness of a fortune teller who is just good at reading people.
I swear I know the exact arrangement of words you'll use,
I can see the posture of your body as you stand across the room, creating as much space between us as possible,
I can see the way your lips move as you say the sentence that will flip my world upside down like pancakes of a Sunday's breakfast.
Despite that, I choose to tighten the blindfold around my eyes. I pretend I can't tell that the house is on fire.
I pretend that I can't smell the smoke,
that the heat from the flames isn't burning me, 
I choose to ignore the crumbling building crashing down at my feet,
I inhale the ashes until I fill my lungs. 
Denial is my feeble shield against the cruelty of reality.
Every time,
I chose to ignore that silence building between us,

Like it wasn't placed intentionally, brick by brick, like it wasn't a child we nurtured. Bursting the delicate thing we dare to call love.

we are both selfish, maybe we deserve each other after all, if you really think about it, I was so desperate for the warmth of a perosn I didn't consider the aftermath of my actions, and so did you, you just wanted an escape from your loneliness, from the prison cell that you isolate yourself in, and we found each other. 
we used each other, but unlike you I am willing to admit it. 
We kiss with our mouths open,
we talk with our hearts sealed,
and I can see it in the way look at me, I can feel it in the way you touch me,
I am a bird with broken wings that the wind carried your way, and I became your responsibility, that is all I am to you, a task, something you cross off of your to-do list,
I wait on the day that you leave for good, but I understand that you are scared. 
you had your fair share of guilt, you don't want another thing added to the list of burdens that keep you awake at night.
I don't feel in codes, and I'm sick of talking that way. 

I am standing on my tiptoes in a pool of stagnant water, chin deep, barely able to keep my head above it, and I am going to drown, 

any moment,

any moment now,
it's about time I find my way out. 

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