Destroy me

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First, I have to get out of this place,
I have to leave this claustrophobic room,
I am already at the door,
Please forgive me.
I have only a moment to reflect on the pain before it engulfs me,
The accompanying humiliation will not allow me much more than that,
A traitor,
Who doesn't deserve to live,
I am so stunned that for a moment I can't even move,
We don't forgive.
I am pressing my fist to my mouth,
Because truth is, I am nothing but a coward,
And some days I wonder why I insist on keeping myself alive.
I take another steady breath,
You'll be alright, we promise.
I am no longer feeling gracious.
I am surprised to discover how much I enjoy the bitterness.
I fall against the wall and crumble to the floor,
I collapse,
But now, they're here,
They're holding guns,
And pointing it at my head,
Pointing it at my heart,
What is happening to me ?

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