Crown shyness.

The same moon hangs up every night in the same sky.

Tonight I am watching it like I always do, but this time with slight differences.

I am not watching it from your roof, but from a small window in my bedroom.

and I'm watching it without you.

For some reason I feel like you are watching it too.

and in that alone I find some consolation.

Love was different for us.

We never had a typical love story, or what many people will regard as normal. What we had was delusional, irrational and a bit crazy, the kind of thing that only comes to you once in a lifetime. It was not a fairy tale either. you do not believe in this kind of  ''childish'' things.

Yes, our love couldn't be defined. Simply because it didn't fall under the common definition of 'love', but I can assure you it was the most pure and true form of it. It was the realest and the most wonderful experience I have ever had.

You were the reason why I stayed up all night although I am a morning person, the reason why I stayed up until two and fell hard in love by three. You were the reason why I gave up my mornings and why I'm willing to give up all my nights. Because finally, I found something more important than getting enough sleep.

You we're not possessive, you understood why I preferred being alone sometimes,you didn't put me under the pressure of being yours, you never nagged on me or accused me of loving you less than I did. You let me be. Your independence made me fall even harder for you, especially that you allowed yourself moments of vulnerability around me, I believed I was the only one who saw you for who you are.  

You were not perfect, I don't know how to put it into words, but you had just the right amount of perfection, not flawless, nevertheless, but you always tried. I don't know how you managed to do that. Like the kind of characters that only exist in books.

You did nothing special, you did not treat me like I was your world or as if  I was everything you ever wanted, all you did was be you, and it was only a matter of time before I realized that perfection was chasing after you, you didn't even notice that.

You were the reason why I stopped building blocks around my heart, and why I started writing again. you were the reason why I write songs about the stars and why I love the moon so much. Every part of my existence had something to do with you. It's sort of ridiculous, actually, how the most random and mundane things in my life reminded me of the way your calculated smile forms or the way you purse your lips before you speak.

You were my favorite mix of dusk and dawn. And you had a very strange perception on love. For you love wan't birthday gifts and it wasn't a title, it was a bunch of dreams and hopes weaved together in an intercalated web. For you love was sharing a whole life, bad habits and bad morning breath, lame movies and awkward family meetings. it was all or nothing.

And I loved you for this.

I love the small moments when you broke down in front of me, and I held you as steady as I could with shaky hands and you called me your home.

I loved watching you daydreaming, lost somewhere I couldn't reach, and I loved watching you talking, alive and vibrant, your eyes blazing with passion, it made me feel alive.

I loved you at your best days and your worst days, when you didn't want to see anyone, not even me. I get the feeling too sometimes, and people make it hard for me most of the time because they don't relate to it, but you did.

I could write and endless list about the reasons why I loved you. I believed we had something worth fighting for. after all, until our fears, our beliefs and even our own selves got in the way. I could no longer protect you from your fears and my demons are getting louder that you can no longer hush them. When you left, you won’t believe me, but I have been dreaming about you more often than I should be. I have been thinking about you more often and have been more worried you. 

Only after you left, that it hit me, how deep my feelings ran for you, I guess you didn't even know that. 

when we said our farewells, it never felt like saying goodbye to you, but rather saying goodbye to myself, saying goodbye to a part of me. After you left, I was never the same. So before I start residing in your memories, and you, gets hidden away in my secret closet, here’s my one last grand gesture: I may not have the enough courage to tell the world how much I love you, but I could write to the world how much you mean to me.

Maybe someday I will stop wishing for you when I see shooting stars, maybe the day I wake up and sleep without a single thought of you on my mind is coming, but I hope it comes soon, because I am tired.