Wilted Words

With you, it's like every cliche I have ever seen in every chic flick movie. I feel the giddiness of an eleven years old girl when she catches the boy she likes from school staring at her across the hall. With you, It's every cheesy line I have ever heard in a pop song. I become the fidgety thirteen years old teenager when her crush asks to borrow her notes. With you, I am so aware of my being, I am so aware of your presence. When I am in the most crowded places with you, you're the only one I see. When we're dancing clumsily, singing off-key, driving around the city aimlessly, idling around the small park in our town, or even watching some lame TV show that we both secretly dislike, these moments mean so much more to me than you could ever imagine, Because of you. The lulling sound of your voice, The freckles on your face, The way your thoughts form and the way you're so discreet about your feelings, You're so familiar to me now. I have you memori...

It all seems worthless after a while. Remember that well, because it's a common thing to occur in your life span. It is a vicious cycle, constant de ja vu, where things go wrong and then go right, Things go horribly wrong, but then the world tries to make amends by tipping the scale and granting you small victories. Congratulations! You didn't kill y ourself today. Look at you! You managed to leave your house and laugh when all you wanted to hide and weep. Those little victories, make all the difference. Although, often, our battles do not leave us unmarked. They're like a predator marking their territory. They leave you with burdens you can't carry, Secrets you can't share, Memories you're constantly trying to forget, Every time they bring a different kind of ache to your heart, one that you seldom stomach, And I know that you mostly wonder, What's the whole point ? What's the point of wanting what you can't have ? Trying over and ov...

First, I have to get out of this place, I have to leave this claustrophobic room, I am already at the door, Please forgive me. I have only a moment to reflect on the pain before it engulfs me, The accompanying humiliation will not allow me much more than that, A traitor, Who doesn't deserve to live, I am so stunned that for a moment I can't even move, We don't forgive. I am pressing my fist to my mouth, Because truth is, I am nothing but a coward, And some days I wonder why I insist on keeping myself alive. I take another steady breath, You'll be alright, we promise. I am no longer feeling gracious. I am surprised to discover how much I enjoy the bitterness. I fall against the wall and crumble to the floor, I collapse, But now, they're here, They're holding guns, And pointing it at my head, Pointing it at my heart, What is happening to me ?

I have lost my words. I lost them somewhere in a pile of papers, unfinished, scribbled down on pages, discarded, like a neglected child. I have lost my voice. I think I have lost it in a canyon with no echo, or maybe I've forgotten that I have one to begin with, how can I dare to speak when I know everything coming out of my mouth is a failed attempt of tenderness ? I think I have lost my mind. Trying to figure out how to be. The riot of emotion in side my chest hurts , and my soul is bruised. The constant battle is wearing me out, Draining me, Drowning me. I don't know how to breathe, I don't know how to be. With so many rules set out, and so many laws I seem to be ignorant of, I have lost so many times, Against the people I love, Against myself, Against the world. I try to tell myself that I am okay. Like useless words of condolences coupled with genuine sympathy, I tell myself that I will be okay, Like the frail promise of cure to a terminal illness, ...

I am not going to lie this time, or deny the truth that's been staring right at me for so long, I am not going to overlook what seems to be undisputed. the truth, they say, hits you when you least expect it, it doesn't blindside you, though, because you have no one else to blame but your self. you weren't prepared, whether you like it or not, the time has come. you can't run away, you can't hide of what's been haunting you, taking away your peace, robbing you of your safe and sound sleep, you think time can heal you, but I am afraid, time is not on your side on this one, all you have is the truth that you are trying to ignore, Along with the unforgiving memories and thoughts, not allowing you to have closure, not redeeming you of your own doubts and mistakes, no matter how sorry you are, no matter how many times you utter words of apology, there are things you can't erase, there are things you can't undo. This is the truth that bites...

This world is beautiful, But it's a poem that everyone interpret in their own unique way, So often I encounter people who can't see beyond the bubble they locked themselves into. The world is such a beautiful place, so often people take its beauty for granted, Or they don't even see it, They don't bother to look, And no one is truly happy with what they have, They get caught up in prisons of their own making, Mothers are grumpy, Fathers are angry, Workers are tired and desperate, Teenagers are lost, Kids are learning the wrong things. All the young ones are chasing clouds of dreams, Chasing things they can't have. And the world is beautiful but it is doomed, When no one cares to make it a better place, The world is coming to an end.

My heart beats sounds like a drum in my ear and I am taking short shallow breaths to steady my self. I hide in the bathroom but it's pointless, even if I stay here for an hour it won't calm me down. I look at the mirror and I hope I don't look as nervous as I feel. I picked up this outfit a week ago, when you called me and told me you wanted to finally meet me. My nerves got the best of me and I think about leaving, What if he doesn't like what he sees ? A hundred things could go wrong, but it's too late to back down you'd be here any minute. I check my face for the third time, inspecting my features as if they were foreign, I hope I am not wearing too much makeup or too little. I want to be just about right. I wash my hands without necessity and I head out. Calm down . I try to match the rhythm of my heart to my steps, slow and steady. And I catch a glimpse of you. You walk in the front door elegantly, not a weight on your shoulder. The l...