Wilted Words

There is a reason why woke up early that day, why you wore your blue shirt instead of the red one and why after staring at all the pairs of shoes you own for more than ten minuted you picked your old snickers. There is a reason why you changed your usual route to work and why you didn't find a cab, why you didn't stop to buy cigarettes although you ran out of them, There is a reason why you took the stairs instead of the elevator and were ten minutes late to your office, There is a reason why your employer didn't scold you for being late and why the coffee machine in the break room was not working, why you had to have that cop of coffee and decided to go to the first floor to see if the have some. There is a reason why you stopped to tighten your shoelace although you could have done it later and why you cleaned your glasses although they weren't that dirty and why you stopped to say hi to one of your co-workers on your way to the break room on the first floor. ...

I don't know who I am right now. It seems like I have lost myself, somewhere between where I was and I where I want to be, I can't go back and I can't go further. There is something eerie about this place and it's incredibly hard to overcome, this steep road is the hardest to cross. Maybe getting up and dusting myself off and pushing myself to go ahead is hard, but hitting that thick invisible wall where suddenly nothing makes sense is deflating, I am not sure about anything any more and it is unimaginably harder. The worst part of it is that I don't know how long will it last, I call it a day and I think it's temporary, maybe it will last for a week or so but then a month passes by and things haven't changed or got a bit better. I am crippled and I don't know what to do. I hate how helpless I am. how vulnerable I feel, I am swimming against raging tides of fear. what if the better is not coming? The question resonates in my head, shackles my he...

I sigh. he sighs. I shrug. he frowns. I tuck my hair behind my ears. he runs his hand through his hair. he chuckles. I laugh. he shrugs. I flinch. I take a deep breathe. he doesn't answer.

start a conversation with me, even if it was just for five minutes, or maybe five hours. Talk to me about the weather and the random things you tell strangers whom you met for the first time, or tell me about what scares you the most or why you don't want to be like your father. Look at my face as you speak, look deeply into my eyes, or just look at the sky and your surroundings, the creases around your eyes when you smile are the most beautiful thing. Brush your hand against my arm accidentally or hold my hand tightly on purpose, the feeling of your skin on mine is more than enough to make me feel safe in your presence. don't do any of that things or do them all. Because it would not change a thing about how I feel about you.

when you fall in love with someone there are only few things that you can see in them, you can only see how charming their laugh is and how the butterflies in your stomach never stop fluttering, you don't see the way their hands shake with rage when they are angry, or the look of resentment in their eyes when they hate someone's gut. when you fall in love with someone there are only a few things that you can imagine, you imagine yourself pressed against them, sleeping soundly, you imagine yourself making breakfast and singing off-key with them, you don't imagine the day the way they spit venomous words towards ruthlessly, or how much they can hurt you or if they're willing to do it, the idea of them dropping your heart, throwing it away and stepping on it is not fathomable to you.  You might have your speculations, but you know that we are human and no one is perfect, you forgive them over and over, because that what love is? isn't it? it's the most p...

The sound of things falling is a rattling voice, even if it's nothing but a low thud or a whisper echoing around. it's always the same place, but you barge in, you have no choice. you hear these sounds all the time of your own pieces falling down, they were barely hanging. you're the rat lured in by the music of the pipe, you try to move but your legs are glued to the ground, you're a sailor who lost his faith and seeking land. Lonliness sings with a melody that rings in your ears, a mermaid of hell who madly kills your heart, and every happy thought, you lose this battle and the one after, for every time you show some resistance, it hurts your case you lose your grace, you hate your own existence. Turn over your pillow as much as you want, remove your covers and cover yourself up again, you won't find peace, for all those ghosts your dreams they haunt, when you wake up tomorrow you know you'll be drained, it never stoppes you f...

whenever you're going through an endless dark night, and everything around you is bleak and grey, remember you have a light inside you, that can turn this night into day.