Wilted Words

It's 3 am in the morning. and I'm tangled in my cold sheets, wide awake, staring at the empty wall before me. I can't sleep. and it's not because I had caffeine or that I slept during the day, no. it's because of you. it's your shy smile, the glint in your eyes, and the 3 syllables you told me, syllables I didn't know before. it's magical how 3 simple words could change you as a whole, how it can draw a smile in your face each now and then during the day just by thinking about them , how it can make your heart expand, fill it with sunshine and rainbows and feelings you can't comprehend that it no longer fits in your chest. it's like having the universe inside you, you wouldn't know emptiness. and love, I think, is like sky diving. you could be terrified before you jump because you're taking huge risks, but you still want to do it, and try what it feels like. and then when you take the leap, you feel the world in your hands, as...

to me, I loved myself once, before society told me it was wrong to love myself if I didn't fit the mold they made, and lived up to their criteria. I loved myself once. because back then, my worth was beyond my weight, much more than my grades, and I was much more than my bitten finger beds and more than the bags under my eyes. I remember how proud I was, how happy and comfortable I was in my own skin, but now those bones are too stiff, I can't get them to move without aching me, I became a prisoner in my own corpse. I'm a guilty criminal, my deadly crimes were wrong first impressions. and as it seems, those felonies are never forgiven, never forgotten. no matter how charity and community service I'd do, they're just not enough, to make them overlook my faults. I loved myself once, before I started over-thinking every move I make, and every word I say, and every friendly approach I offer. I loved my spontaneous actions, I loved having the green card...

I want everyone to leave me alone, I am afraid I would seep glimpse of my darkness into them, I am afraid that my murky soul will ooze out, creating a mess that I won't be able to contain, stay away, it is no one's job to fix what's already deformed in me. it isn't anyone's fault, that my heart was fractured repeatedly into million fragments, that it's no longer capable of anything but pumping blood into my veins. yet I tried, I tried so hard to put it back together, but I couldn't, a lot of the pieces were missing, gone. I will push anyone who comes near me, I will build my walls high, hide in a tour of concrete solitude and nothingness. I will keep it out of sight within a maze of poisoned accusations and doubts and guarded by a dragon, innervated by the lies I fed. Run away and save yourself, because I have lots of fears, but what scares me the most is that my inchoate defective heart is never going to be enough for anyone. I am living in ...

You’re wonderful, full of life, like the sky at dusk.  And I’m so dark and scattered, like the sky at night. You’re whole, forever shining, like the sun, full of warmth and honest promises.  And I’m shattered into millions of cold lost stars. I’ll always be here, waiting for a miracle, I’ll wait for the day our orbits collide. our own big bang Creating a new world.  A whole universe, just for the two of us. I’ll leave all my insecurities out of our atmosphere. And I’ll burn all your doubts before they shoot in. A universe where pain don’t exist, neither mortality. We’ll live for millions of years. Just me and you. I know it seems impossible, especially with hundreds of light years stretching between us. But I promise, I’ll always keep your rays with me, I’ll keep them locked within me, until our Nebula starts existing. 

a rose and a thron. two things that never grow apart. the rose so beautiful,and so delicate. and the Thron so sharp, and so harmful. you can't have one without getting the other, just like a person. we look at people, and wee see features, we see professions, we see back stories. we see first wrong impressions, we see what we want. we don't see beyond our noses, or beyond the stories we hear. we don't listen to more than a few words before we think it's enough to judge a person. People are magnificent creatures. God crated us perfect, nevertheless we can't actually see it-or we don't want to see it- we don't want to see more than our imperfections. we are able to swim although we don't have gills, that we can fly, although we don't have wings. and that we can imagine, build futures and stories and weave art and make magic. and dream. we're capable of lots of things.  human power is unlimited. that nothing could stop...

Somehow you will always be here, As if you have never left. the pain is still here, alongside with your memory.  the sense of your presence is not enough, it's always here, but it's never enough... I can kneel at your grave for hours and cry, but it's nothing compared to the strength you gave me whenever I cried in front of you. I can stare at your pictures for hours, but I will never see your eyes staring back at me, unraveling me, turning me inside out.   it's worthless, it's not the same. I can't hold you any more, I can't feel your warmth creep into me, I can't feel your presence shining like the only star that ever was.  I'm deprived of all those things now, and sometimes it feels like it's more than I can tolerate.  I run away to my dreams, that is the only place where I can enjoy our stolen moments...where I can touch your hands and they feel so real... I can see you smiling warmly at me, telling me everything will be alr...

Dear Love, although I don't know if I should call you love anymore, Sorry, I'm sorry. you hated it when I apologized without a reason, but I guess that's the only thing I can do, the only thing I'm excellent at, being sorry. this time I'm apologizing for the right reasons, I'm sorry I ever loved you. do you remember that time when we talked how people always hurt each other despite their feelings? you said that everything is justified if it was done for the right reasons. It's all about intentions.  that's what you said. No matter how wrong the deed was, it's okay if it was for the right reasons. I wish I knew what were your intentions when you hurt me. What good was behind treating me like I was the only star in your ever dark sky, and then leaving? maybe I'm an idiot because I can't see beyond the pain and the emptiness, maybe I'm a fool because I still want to believe that you never meant to hurt me even when you did. m...