Wilted Words

Dear Love, although I don't know if I should call you love anymore, Sorry, I'm sorry. you hated it when I apologized without a reason, but I guess that's the only thing I can do, the only thing I'm excellent at, being sorry. this time I'm apologizing for the right reasons, I'm sorry I ever loved you. do you remember that time when we talked how people always hurt each other despite their feelings? you said that everything is justified if it was done for the right reasons. It's all about intentions.  that's what you said. No matter how wrong the deed was, it's okay if it was for the right reasons. I wish I knew what were your intentions when you hurt me. What good was behind treating me like I was the only star in your ever dark sky, and then leaving? maybe I'm an idiot because I can't see beyond the pain and the emptiness, maybe I'm a fool because I still want to believe that you never meant to hurt me even when you did. m...

I don't believe in miracles or myths, but I'm desperate for one now. I'm not sure how you're suppose to work, but I'm taking my chances. For all I know that you help people to get rid of nightmares. Even if you're just a fable, try to make an exception for me. I want you to hinder my nightmares, to defeat my demons, don't allow them to hunt my dreams, and chase me in the long nights. Don't let them visit me in the only hours of peace. I want you to help me sleep soundly, to help my mind rest and drift to oblivion. I'm tired of waking up with black bags under my eyes, I'm tired of waking up feeling more weary than I did before going to bed. I don't want to see my fears anymore, I want you to bury them somewhere deep in my mind so they will never seep into my dreams anymore. I want you to lock them up in a a wooden broken chest and throw the key somewhere I won't remember. I want you to drown them in poison, suffocate them before th...

Along with many things, I don't know how start anything, I am not good at beginnings. Starting a simple conversation with a stranger, for an Example. relationships too. that applies also to feelings. somehow I find myself trapped like a fly in a spider's net. I don't know any scientific explanation for these things either, feelings, how they work, how they start, and why. For all I know is that a smile from my next door neighbor leaded us into a solid sisterhood where we ended up exchanging our deepest secrets with complete transparency. That One day I talked to a stranger who suddenly occupied a space of me I never anticipated to give. That somehow, I became less trusting, more cautious, and extremely protective of my heart. Feelings, I think, work in a mysterious way. We think we have control over them, but we don't. Love, hatred, regret, happiness, depression, self-loathing and confidence. All those things, at some level are what form us, what makes us make dec...

Self discovery. That's something we all underwent. It's something that we claim to know and understand. knowing who you are, that's what we all think that we've already achieved in the process of growing up. but the truth is; that we are lying, mostly fooling ourselves before anyone else. we went through our teenage years without any crisis', we know exactly what we want, what we need, what our dreams are and we're constantly trying to pursue them. But also we're wrong. have you ever felt like your whole world is falling apart ? like a huge iceberg appeared in your way drowning your Titanic?  that the castle that you've been building for years is nothing but a sheer of glass that could be shattered by a blow of a wind ? that you no longer know what you actually want, what you're really craving for? we all went through this at some point. Self discovery is a journey, our parents tried to put our feet on the beginning of the way, help us take ...

All These unwritten vows were broken, all the promises we made not to hurt each other were just words we said. All what we've been through was nothing, meant nothing,  we were not ready for these battles, and not prepared to face all these obstacles. All our feelings are gone now, vanished. Maybe they're still in here somewhere, but all of that doesn't matter... We lost all what we thought we had, nothing went wrong, yet everything changed, and it ended in a blink of an eye. You owe me what you became, and I owe you all the good memories I have. Once you meant the world to me, but now, to me you're just a phantom, just a ghost of my past.

I've always heard this sentence " Life is too short, so enjoy it and try to make the most of it."   and  I've never really realized what it meant till lately. I've lost so many people, in different ways, death, distance, problems, and sometimes there wasn't a rational reason... maybe the ways were different, but the pain was always the same ... I tried to push people away, and live alone, being alone is better than getting hurt,after all,  that didn't work for me... but again isn't that the meaning of life? to love and lose, to be happy and suffer? this is how things go with everyone.. We only live once, but if we live it right, it'll be more than enough. We all should live it the way we want to, defending what we believe in, doing what we think is right.  Never be afraid of telling you're family that you love them... don't be shy to show people whom you care about how important they are to you..dream ...

This is my first blog. I always thought that I have the ability to write, it all started at elementary school, where writings homework were more than just that for me, I always spent extra time on them.  I thought I can put words in the right phrases and terms...and explain things from a normal teenager point of view. I know that I'm just a plain girl, an anonymous, who's trying to find out who she is...her true identity, to distinguish the parts of herself, and identify which ones are truly her and which parts she was forced into. I'm not sure about my writing skills, not yet. Despite of my friend's encouragements.Not many people told me I'm a good writer, I still doubt myself. And it was never enough for me, to live without a voice, even when I find it hard to live up to my own expectations. Before I start this blog ,I thought about it million times... I hesitated a lot ... I thought I won't impress anyone, or no one would like what I...